The Emotional Beam Spread

2020 has been the year of physical distancing. We all know how far 2 meters is by now. While physical distancing is critical during these times, there is something equally important that needs to be discussed. The care of our emotional wellbeing. In particular, creating emotional boundaries for staying well during stressful times.

If we are self-aware, we can recognize stress within ourselves.  And as self-aware humans, we recognize that we probably should be finding ways to deal with our stress instead of pouring our emotions all over our empathic friends and coworkers.  On most days, I feel well emotionally. I feel healthy. And when I am like this, I often say, “I stand in the light.”

However, this does not mean that I can handle the stress of another person. It just means that I am feeling empowered.

A few days ago, when a friend of mine came over to visit (responsibly) and then proceeded to unload every single problem of their life onto me.  I was left with a three-day hangover. My friend is not to blame. This is 100% my own fault. Throughout the day, I had the opportunity to gauge my wellbeing. And I chose not to.

To prevent this from ever happening again, I have developed a system based on lamp beam spreads.

The 10° Spotlight Beam Spread (or less)*

Your beam of light hugs your body. It’s faint.  The weather is a bit grey or wet, and it certainly isn’t going to the park weather. Your inner child is practicing their mantra (NO!). Follow suit. Cancel your plans. If you (like me) have a hard time saying no, here are seven email templates that you can use to help you say that word.

The 25º Narrow Flood Beam Spread*

Your light is a little ways from your body. Your presence is warm, calm, and you are at peace with the world. Sharing a cup of tea with someone like-minded would be a nice activity. Have the encounter online through video chat.  Keep the conversation upbeat.

The 45º Wide Flood Beam Spread*

You wake up smiling and jump out of bed. You look in the mirror, and bluebirds are helping you to get ready. The world feels good. Your inner light is shining brightly. You are ready to take on whatever life throws at you. This is when you can deal with people. Life can’t get you down. You are energetic and strong.  Be the force that you are.

Here are a few ways to create necessary boundaries that will keep you emotionally well.

1. It’s ok to be introverted. Suppose the opportunity to see someone doesn’t feel good. Say no. Stay home. Please don’t feel guilty about it.
2. Be clear about what you want.  Then do it.  You get to make the rules.
3. Recognize that you need care. Eat well, drink water, get fresh air.  We all want the cheese – but we need the apples (and maybe a glass of wine to go with it). Moderation is key.  Eat the apple.
4.  Recognize the need for alone time when you need a pile of blankets, pillows, and a Studio Ghibli marathon. Those movies help.  Spend the day with Totoro and his friends. There is a reason these movies are so beloved. They are magical.
5. Dance – music and dancing help you clear away the cobwebs of your mind and get you thinking clearly. This gives you all the power.

*I recognize that I could have used just about anything else as a metaphor (like a traffic light), and it would have been a better and clearer explanation.
But you know, I am human, so sometimes there will be a flaw in the design. I still stand in the light.